This Special Life

Autism Advocacy & Support

For Parents

Teaching Home Routines: Family Meals

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If you are a parent of a child with autism, you may be in “survival mode” when it comes to family meals. Many modern families do not have regular sit-down family dinners. Busy schedules and more than one child contribute to a “whatever works” lifestyle when it comes to shared (or not shared) meals. But, for children with autism, family meal time can be a great opportunity to teach valuable daily living skills.

Teaching family meal time as a household routine can also help you add to your toolbox as a parent. For example, familiarity with a family meal time routine will help your child build skills for other settings as well. This could include times when you have guests over for dinner, when you visit a friends’ home for dinner, or even when you go out to a restaurant.

In this article, we will discuss some strategies you can adapt to your own family meal time. You can use these strategies on a timeline that works for you. For example, some families may aim for a shared dinner time that lasts for around fifteen minutes, three times a week. Other families may share a longer dinner once a week on Sundays, while being more flexible about meal times throughout the week.

Balance Variety and Familiarity

Meal planning can be a struggle even for parents who love doing it. Part of the difficulty with meal planning for a family is not knowing what your child will love or hate. Food aversions and refusals might not stay consistent over time, making it extra hard for you to plan. 

A good way to relieve the stress of meal planning is to have a few reliable foods in your pantry, fridge, and freezer at all times. This way you can experiment with different recipes for your “main” while still offering familiar sides. On some nights your child’s entire meal might be comprised of sides. On other nights they might surprise you by loving a new recipe you tried.

Encourage, but Don’t Force

Offer your child everything that is available for the meal (within limits for allergies, choking hazards, and any other health concerns). Encourage them to try new things, but don’t force them to. Additionally, especially for younger children, allow the option to spit out the first bite of a new food. Say something like: “You didn’t like it, and that’s ok! Good job trying a new food.”

If your child refuses to try a new food altogether, resist the urge to engage in a power struggle. Reaffirm that the new food is available to try, and move on. 

Allow an Alternate Activity

One major source of stress during family meal times can be the amount of time spent sitting down and eating. Children may become full faster than their parents, or bored. They may want to leave their seat before one parent has even sat down to their own plate. If you set a goal for your child to sit at the table for a certain amount of time, it is critical to set a realistic goal. It can feel counterintuitive to set a goal at a level you have already seen your child do. But implementing a goal for regular mealtimes is very different from seeing that behavior happen at random.

For example, if your child can sit at the table for one minute, set your goal for one minute at first. Then you will guarantee success for you and your child. You can increase the goal over time. For children whose current skills allow them to sit at the table for a very short time, have an alternate activity available in the same area. Dismiss them to play or do this activity while you finish your meal. This way you can still supervise them without halting the mealtime altogether.

Another way you can use this strategy is at the table itself. This can help if mealtimes are very aversive for your child, but they will tolerate doing other things at the table. In this method, the alternate activity is available to your child right at the start of mealtime. They can access it by simply sitting at the table. You might work solely on sitting at the table as a goal for awhile. Meeting your child’s nutritious needs would not be the primary goal in this method. Instead, meet their needs for nutrition at other times in the day. Use methods that have already been successful. Gradually, your child will build skills to sit at the table during mealtimes. Then you can introduce foods. Switch between food and the other activity, all right at the table.

Use Schedules and Rewards

Many families will use social stories, first-then schedules, or other visual schedules for mealtime. This gives your child extra cues for what is expected of them during the mealtime and what is available to them. It also helps you and other adults or caregivers in the home to be consistent.

Reinforcement is also an important part of teaching your child new mealtime skills. Make sure reinforcement is available for at least one skill besides eating. This could be:

1. Washing hands before the meal

2. Sitting at the table

3. Pointing to desired items

4. Making a comment to a sibling or parent

5. Saying “no thank you”

Reinforcement should also be varied. Use verbal praise and positive feedback as well as rewards like stickers or toys.

Additionally, try to steer clear of requiring your child to finish a certain amount of food. They should not have to ingest a set amount of food to be excused or earn a reward. Children’s nutritional needs can vary greatly from day to day. Just because your child ate an entire banana one night doesn’t mean they need that much food before satiating the following day. 

It’s OK to Modify

Try the best you can to set yourself and your child up for success by setting reasonable goals and limits. But, know that you may still need to change things on the fly sometimes. Avoid having your child sit at the table for long periods of time if they are not successful. This also applies if the rest of the family has already finished the meal. Have a strategy you can use to close the activity, like saying “Let’s give this one more try tonight. If it doesn’t work tonight, we’ll try again another time.”

You may also give yourself room to change plans at the last minute. Be ready to say: “Tonight we were going to have dinner together at home. But the weather is really nice out, so let’s take sandwiches to the park instead!” Or, you might get takeout after a hard day at work. You might make your child one of their favorite, reliable foods that night. Make these kinds of modifications when you need to. This will allow you more energy to teach mealtime routines and skills in the long run.

Technology and Your Autistic Child

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We live in the future. You may have heard that phrase recently. As a parent in the 2020s, you may remember a time before smartphones. You may remember a time before iPads and tablets were a common part of therapy and education for your child. You now have access to more technological resources than ever before. But sometimes constant access to tech may seem like more trouble than it is worth. Here are some tips on how to make sure technology is working for you and your family.

Time Limits

Your child probably has some access to technology with you at home or while doing school or therapy. You may wonder how much is too much. You may wonder if you should be setting time limits each day for screen time that is available. I encourage you to reframe these questions a little bit. Instead, ask “how much variety of activity is my child encountering throughout the day or week?” For example, time spent interacting with a screen may vary from day to day. But is your child getting outside at least once a day? Are you and your child engaging in a short shared activity together at least once a day? Are you and your child engaging in a longer shared activity together at least once a week? These questions can be more productive than an arbitrary limit on screen time per day. And, they prompt you to think about other activities that can happen throughout the day.

Purpose

You are likely no stranger to the possible benefits of screen time for your child with autism. Technology may be a critical part of their therapy program or educational progress. Ask yourself what the purpose of screen time is within your family structure. The answer to this question may vary based on the activity. You might engage in screen time to have shared family leisure time, like during a family movie night. Or, you might be using a specific app on a tablet to teach and increase your child’s communication skills. Sometimes you might use a tablet to set up and following a daily schedule. Make a mental list of the different purposes of technology in your life. This will help you inform therapists and educators about your priorities for technology.

Content

Managing content goes beyond parental controls to ensure your child is safe online. (Online safety is also critical). Consider that the spectrum of online content that is available to your child can vary a lot. Technology diets can consist of anything from junk food to nutritious content. First, consider your child’s preferences when it comes to technology content. Once you know their preferences, you can then look at the most “nutritional” options. A video showing how to take turns might be more useful than a shorter video that doesn’t teach any new skills. Or, if your child already had screen time earlier, you might opt for the short video.

There are many ways you can assess how technology is working for your child with autism and your family. The areas discussed above can help you with this reflection process. Of course, it is important to pay attention to signs of technology addiction. One example is a total disinterest in any other type of activity. Another example is extreme distress when technology is not available. But for most families, as long as it is intentional, technology can be a great resource over time.

5 Fun “Stuff Free” Outdoor Activities

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Outside time is an important part of childhood development. Playing outside provides many opportunities to work on skills that might not happen inside. Outdoor spaces are places to practice following directions in new environments. They are places to learn lots of new words and connect those words to their real-life counterpart. They are places to practice interacting with other people in safe and respectful ways.

But getting outside is a project. And if you have a child with autism, the outdoors present many uncertainties. There are things to plan for. Is there a bathroom available? What about water? Even if you’re playing in your own backyard, it can be hard to plan fun and educational outdoor activities.

And what about materials for any activity you might plan? Preparing for a thirty minute outing to the local park can start to feel like you are packing for a three day camping trip. The following 5 activities don’t require any materials. So next time you want to plan a quick trip to the park with your autistic child, you can be “stuff free.” And you’ll also know you’re working on meaningful play and community skills.

1. Hide and seek. This is a great activity to play at a park with large rocks, trees, or even a play structure. If your child is not ready to hide independently, be their “partner” and play with a sibling or other adult. Practice hiding behind large and small items. Show your child the difference between large items that hide their whole body and small items that cannot completely hide them.

2. The alphabet game. This is a great activity to play when you are on a walk. Find an item that corresponds with each letter of the alphabet, in order. For example, “apple tree” represents the letter “a.” “Bug” represents the letter “b” and so forth. If you live in an urban area, try finding each letter of the alphabet on license plates and street signs as you walk.

3. Rock collecting. This is a great activity to play on a hike or at the beach. Try collecting a specific number of rocks to help your child practice counting. This is also a great opportunity to practice leaving things behind. If the beach has a sign instructing visitors not to take any items away, you can practice following this direction with your child.

4. Cloud gazing. This is a great activity to do in your own backyard, or after a tiring game of tag. Try finding geometric shapes (oval, circle, triangle) with your child. You can also practice more abstract concepts like animals, vehicles, and types of buildings.

5. Shadow puppets. This is a great game to play when you are walking on a sidewalk or another large flat space. First, point out your shadows to your child. Then, show them how to make a shadow puppet with their hand. If your child finds this activity really interesting, you can do a follow up activity at home. Get a flashlight and show them different ways to make shadows. Practice making shadows in different rooms and observe how they are different.

Going outside doesn’t have to be a huge undertaking. You may go outside with the plan to do one of these activities. You may find that you don’t have time for a specific activity, and that’s OK! Sometimes, walking to the park and walking home is more than enough of an undertaking. I hope this article will help you build your toolbox of activities you have in your toolbox “just in case.” Then, even if you don’t use them, you’ll feel more confident about planning outside time!

Why That Boring Paperwork From Your Provider is Actually Worth Filling Out

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If you have a child with autism, you’re no stranger to forms. You’ve probably memorized more than your fair share of rote family details. At a certain point, you might question the value of all that paperwork. As a provider of education and ABA, I am often asked this question by families. They are frustrated by the seemingly endless stream of forms to complete. This frustration is understandable! Here are some reasons why that boring paperwork is worth your time.

1. It helps providers make sure you have all the resources you need. Intake paperwork often poses boilerplate questions to every new family. These questions serve an important purpose though. They let your provider know what services you need that they may need to refer you out for. They may have a resource list compiled to help you find a specialist in your community. Different needs may be best served by different providers. 

2. It helps providers serve your child better. Providers ask a lot of questions at the beginning of services. This is because they are using the information you provide to adjust their methods to fit your child. The more information you provide, the better your provider can individualize services. Don’t be afraid to be too wordy. But, don’t feel like you have to include long answers. Sometimes a short, succinct answer will be more than enough. This can be especially true if you’ve had a lot of practice answering these types of questions already!

3. It helps keep you and your child safe (in two key ways). First, your providers must meet certain standards set by their regulating authority. This could be your state department of health. It could be the office of public education. It could be a certifying board in your provider’s field. Your provider demonstrates many of these standards in their patient records. Second, your provider will likely ask for more safety information than emergency contacts. This helps them quickly respond if an emergency happens during services. For example, for telehealth, they will want to know the hospital closest to your home.

4. It keeps your information up to date. The upside to filling and refilling out paperwork often is that your information is less likely to become outdated. This is important for basic information like email addresses and phone numbers. It is also important for information like allergies and medications. Updated reports from other providers may impact updates to treatment.

If you’re struggling to find time to complete excessive amounts of paperwork, you are not alone. Ask your provider if there are ways to merge the information, but don’t be surprised if that is not an option. It is often a rule that each form be completed by the family. Your provider may not have control over these requirements. Another strategy is to set up a meeting with your provider or someone from their office to fill out the paperwork together.

You may be asked for documents from somewhere else, like your pediatrician. If so, it can be helpful to give your provider an update. For example, let them know you have reached out to your pediatrician and you’re waiting on the response. This way your provider knows the paperwork is in process, even if they don’t receive it right away.

5 Concepts You Can Teach At Home

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When you think about concepts you can teach your child with autism at home, what is the first thing that comes to mind? For many families and teachers, the answer is “colors.” There are a lot of reasons for this. Colors, while abstract, are a fairly concrete concept. They are a staple of many daycare and preschool curriculums. They are ever present across early childhood classrooms everywhere. And, colors are easy to find everywhere around us. Your child’s toy collection probably presents lots of natural opportunities to work on teaching colors.

But colors aren’t the only concept you can easily teach your child at home. In this article, we’ll discuss 5 other concepts you may not have thought about yet. After reading, you’ll be able to add these to your toolbox of home teaching skills.

1. Sizes. The most important thing to keep in mind when teaching sizes is that size is relative! A mountain will always be big and a grain of rice will always be small. But for the most part, the size you label something will change based on context. That is OK! Don’t let it deter you from labeling sizes often for your child. In addition to big and small or large and little, show how sizes compare with more than two items. Practice ordering objects in order of size.

2. Prepositions. Some common prepositions you can practice with your child are: over, under, in, out, inside, outside, on top, beside, next to, in front, behind, and off. Generally, it’s best to start with prepositions related to location. That way you can demonstrate what you mean with toys and experiences. For example, playing with water and cups at bath time is a great way to teach your child “in” and “out.”

3. Texture and weight. An easy place to start with concepts about how things feel is teaching “heavy” and “light.” These are simple to label in terms of your child’s own experience. Let them try to lift something that is a little too heavy for them, and use the word “heavy” to explain why it’s hard. Understanding “heavy” might come before “light.” It also may be easier to understand than texture concepts like “rough” and “smooth.” After you find a word like “heavy” that your child understands, you can start introducing other texture and weight words and concepts.

4. Time (sequencing). Time may seem too abstract to teach your young child, but it’s never to early to introduce! The best way to start teaching time is with the sequence of events. For example, take the time to explain to your child what activities will happen today, and in what order. Start using words like “before” and “after” to describe events as they happen, and talk about them later. The more you explain your daily schedule in simple ways, the more you are teaching the concept of time.

5. Symbols. Has your child ever been fascinated by an excavator or a bulldozer while you were driving? Do you have any books with pictures of excavators and bulldozers at home? Use opportunities like this to demonstrate the relationship between pictures and real world items to your child. Gradually, this is how you teach the concept of symbols. Drawing pictures that represent your child’s favorite items at home is another great way to teach this skill. Learning the concept of symbols is a good first step to learning about letters and numbers.

Teaching Home Routines: Hand Washing

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Children with autism sometimes struggle to learn daily routines. Taking the time to teach routines one by one can save you a lot of time in the future. Putting this time in can also decrease your future stress. Parents often create “shortcuts” to get through a day successfully at home, by providing lots of prompts and help for routines like hand washing. But over time this can mean less time to spend on other activities as your child gets older.

By building in time to teach home routines, you can increase your child’s independence. You can also create more time in the day to help your child with new and more difficult activities. And, you’ll have more time to do the things you need to do.

In this article, we’ll discuss the steps of teaching hand washing.

1. Build interest in hand washing. This can be done by creating times in the day when the whole family washes hands. This can be when returning from a walk outside, before meals, or another consistent daily activity. You can also build interest in hand washing by letting your child watch you wash your hands often.

2. Adjust the environment. If your child is very young, they may need a step stool to reach the sink. You may need to put a spout adjuster like this one on your faucet so your child’s hands easily reach the water. Depending on what type of faucets you have at home, turning the water on and off may be the last step your child learns. This may be something that you or an older child continue to help them with for a long time even after they have mastered all the other steps of the routine.

3. 20 seconds really is 20 seconds. This length of time can be hard for many families to adjust to. Many children may have trouble washing their hands for this long, especially if their parents already don’t spend that much time washing their own hands. This is also important when considering that it starts after your child has already obtained soap. You will also want to consider the water pressure – too much water coming out of the faucet will make it harder to scrub effectively for 20 full seconds.

4. You can motivate your child by using special hand soap and singing special songs during the hand washing routine. Choose songs that last about 20 seconds, or repeat a song that lasts about 10 seconds twice. Supervise your child and encourage them while they are washing their hands. Remember, teaching independence doesn’t mean that you walk away completely. Especially in the beginning, your child will need lots of partial support and lots of praise to be successful.

5. Be aware of your child’s sensory needs for the hand washing routine. This could mean that they are extra sensitive to the temperature of the water, the texture of the hand towel, or even the noise of the faucet. Making small adjustments for sensory needs can decrease any stress around the routine and increase success.