Instead of feeling like it’s one more thing to add to your to-do list try these tips instead!

As parents of kids with autism or other special needs it’s easy to put yourself on the back burner. You give of yourself to others all day long there’s not much time left for anything else.

You hear the term “self-care.” You know it’s important to give yourself a break.  As a special needs parent how can you fit in caring for yourself? If you practice self-care usually another area gets backlogged.  It can be hard to find childcare. It just seems like too much work.

Do you have these thoughts when you think of self-care?

Today I will share with you some tips to help you practice self-care when you’re short on time.  These self-care tips will help you easily work some me-time into your day without feeling like it’s a big sacrifice.

Self-Care In The Little Things

What does self-care look like?  Getting a massage, going out for a nice adult-only dinner, a weekend getaway.  These are all great forms of self-care. They aren’t the only way to take a break though.

Self-care can be practiced in smaller ways too.  Simple is better! Instead of making it a big production try these little self-care ideas:

Sleep When You Want To:

Are you exhausted at the end of the day and feel like you just want to crash when everyone else is in bed.  Do it! Do you set your alarm extra early but want to sleep in an extra 15 minutes? Sleep in! Give yourself permission to sleep.  Rest is a form of self-care. The laundry, grocery lists, or checking emails can wait. Or compromise, do one priority task and then go to sleep.

Eat What You Want To:

Cooking dinner is a daily task.  Why not fix one of your favorite meals once in a while? Eating your favorite food is a form of self-care.  Doesn’t have to be fancy either. If you love frozen pizza pop one in the oven! You may not get to eat out whenever you want so take time to eat something you love when you’re staying in.

Exercise Anyway You Want To:

Exercise is obviously a great form of self-care. If you have kids with special needs you may not be able to get to the gym or leave the house.  Exercise doesn’t have to be just lifting weights or a 3 mile run. Any type of movement is exercise. Helping your kid with sensory activities? Make that your workout!  Kids love to dance? Have a 15 minute dance party together. Going to the park? Go for a walk to get there. As long as you find ways to get your heart thumping you are practicing self-care through exercise!

Other Ways To Practice Self-Care:

• Take an extra 5 minutes in your shower
• Listen to your favorite songs while driving in the car
• Reset with a game on your phone for 5 minutes
• Wear your favorite outfit
• Instead of daily to-do lists make weekly to-do lists so you have several days to get things done instead of just one

Self-Care=Community Care

Have you heard the quote “Shouting ‘self-care’ at people who actually need community care is how we fail people.” by Nakita Valerio? It seems like all people need to do is practice self-care and we’ll be fine.  It’s not that easy, especially for special needs parents. 

Rethink self-care.  Don’t think you need to live life alone.  One of the best forms of self-care is reaching out to others and building a community.  Here are some tips to help you do that.

Know Who To Ask For Help:

Who are the trusted people in your life you know you can count on?  If you don’t have family or friends nearby do you know what services you can seek?  If not ask your child’s school social worker, therapist or doctor. They can connect you to things like respite programs, transportation providers or specially trained daycare providers.

Ask For Help:

Sometimes people don’t offer help because they don’t know a person needs help.  While it would be nice if people freely held out a helping hand it doesn’t always work that way.  There is no shame in letting someone you know you need help.  

Simple requests for carpooling, baby-sitting, or respite will relieve you of the burden of always being on call.  It will help you get out of the house to run necessary errands or do something you enjoy.  

You don’t have to ask for outside help either.  Delegating chores to people in your household who are able to, can make a big difference.  Sharing the load gives you time to focus on other important things.

Call On Other So You Can Do Big Self-Care: 

There are times you should have an evening out or a day of pampering.  When you call on others to fill in for you these bigger self-care activities will be more enjoyable.  Here are some tips to help you plan for it:

• Plan ahead as best you can.  Things come up, but even still plan ahead. 
• Pick a time that isn’t a busy time.  Are times more hectic than others? Go during a downtime.
• Ask a person or service you trust and have used before.  Placing your kids and responsibilities into the hands of someone you trust will help you enjoy your time away.
• Clearly communicate things you’d like to see or need to get accomplished while you’re out.  You don’t need to come home to a messy house or worry about your kids not getting something they need just because you’re gone.  Put your helper to work!

Self-care can feel like a chore to many special needs parents.  You have unique circumstances. You can’t go off and do something whenever you want.  You have many things to take care of. You might be tired and it’s too much work to get self-care into your life.

Finding self-care in the little things and calling on your community are the best ways to practice self-care when you’re short on time.  Using these tips will help you feel great so you can take care of your family!

Elizabeth Purpero

Elizabeth Purpero is a licensed school counselor and licensed professional counselor-in-training.  She has her master’s in counseling psychology.  Elizabeth has worked as an autism therapist with children and teens.  During her career, she has worked in intensive at-home therapy programs utilizing ABA and play therapy along with OT and speech therapy techniques.  She has also worked as a mental health therapist helping clients address their mental health issues as it relates to autism.  Elizabeth’s background working with the autism community has greatly helped her work with students in schools too.  She has helped teachers implement effective strategies, create goals for IEP’s and make classrooms more sensory-friendly.  Mark Twain once said, “Write what you know about,” and Elizabeth enjoys writing about autism-related topics and providing additional resources to help those impacted by autism.

One of the key characteristics of autism is difficulty with social skills and communication.  To improve friendship-making skills parents usually enroll their kid in a social skills group.  It seems like a logical thing to do.

In my years as a therapist, I’ve seen kids do well and other kids do not so well in a social skills group.

Social skills groups are great for kids with ASD but you don’t want it to backfire!

Social Skills Groups:  Are they right for your child?

Here is a guideline to help you decide if your kid is ready for a social skills group. You will also find tips to prepare them for group sessions and learn how to help them have a good experience.

What Do Social Skills Groups Do

People with autism can struggle with social skills. Contributing factors include sensory issues, not interpreting nonverbal cues, speech delays or not showing interest in others. 

The good news is that kids can learn social skills.  It takes a bit more support and guidance but kids can learn to talk with others and make friends.

Social skills groups are a tool often used to learn social skills.  Groups usually are small in size with kids around the same age. Groups are lead by several therapists.

During group time kids learn simple skills like greeting each other and asking to play.  They also learn how to take turns, share toys, and pretend play through group activities. Groups also teach how to be aware of others and process social interactions. 

Usually, the group follows the same routine so it is predictable. They have access to things to help them get regulated for group time and have breaks. Kids also have goals to work towards. 

Is Your Child Ready For A Social Skills Group

Kids can be great teachers for each other.  Adults do a good job of showing youngsters how to do things like greet people or pretend play.  There’s something about being around others that are your same age though. Grown-ups can’t imitate that!

Kids learning to socialize together seems like the natural thing to do when they lack social skills.  So how can you tell if your child is ready to attend a social skills group?  

• Child shows an interest in others, especially kids
• Your son or daughter talks to others
• He or she can be left with others without any issues of you being gone

If your child likes to be around people or expresses wanting to make friends a social skills group is a good fit for them.  They might not know how to approach a kid on the playground or only stick to certain topics when talking to others. A social skills group can help improve their people skills.

On the other hand, you might want your kid to make friends but they may:

• Not show any interest in people
• Be anxious if left in a group without you
• Prefers to play with their high-interest activities and not kids

These may be signs that your child is not quite ready for a social skills group.  If this is the case it might be best to wait. That’s not to say your child can’t go to a group eventually.  They may need to work on some social skills 1:1 with you or a therapist at home before going out into the community.

It is advisable to send your kid to a social skills group when it’s a comfortable situation for them.  That way it will fun and enjoyable rather than dreaded.

Preparing For Social Group

Most kids that are ready to go to a social group look forward to it and have fun.  It’s a safe environment to be with other kids!  

It’s still good to help your prepare your child for their social group so they have a great experience.  These tips can set your kid up for success:

• Meet with the group leaders before the social group sessions start and check out the space.
• Talk with the group leaders about goals for your child and tips that help your kid have a good experience.
• Ask the group leaders about group routine, visuals, and regulation breaks and what to expect so you can talk to your kid about it.
• Write a social story about starting a social skills group.
• Send any helpful tools with your child to group like a calming kit, noise-canceling headphones, or snack.

How To Have A Good Social Skills Group Experience

Once your kiddo starts group they will be learning many new things.  From new faces to being challenged to try new things your child might be pushed out of their comfort zone.

It can be hard to go into a room full of strangers.  Talking to others can be uncomfortable. Sharing toys isn’t always fun.

On the other hand, your child will come to enjoy being with other friends that are similar to them.  They will build trust with their group leader. You will find them becoming better talkers with you, siblings and classmates.

To help your child make the most of their time in a social skills group try:

• Talk to the group leaders about skills covered during the session so you can talk about or practice them at home.
• Ask the group leader about new things that will be taught the next week to prepare your child.
• If your child is struggling come up with a plan with the group leader so your child feels safe and supported.  For example, if your child starts getting overwhelmed when things get noisy instruct your child to put hands up to ears to signal to the group leader that it’s too noisy. The group leader can assist your child to find a quiet spot in the room for a break.
• Check-in with your kid about how they feel about the group, friends s/he is making or things they like and don’t like.

There are many benefits to going to a social skills group.  Your kid can learn about different social cues and practice friendship-making skills.  If your child is ready a social skills group will be a great experience!

Elizabeth Purpero

Elizabeth Purpero is a licensed school counselor and licensed professional counselor-in-training.  She has her master’s in counseling psychology.  Elizabeth has worked as an autism therapist with children and teens.  During her career, she has worked in intensive at-home therapy programs utilizing ABA and play therapy along with OT and speech therapy techniques.  She has also worked as a mental health therapist helping clients address their mental health issues as it relates to autism.  Elizabeth’s background working with the autism community has greatly helped her work with students in schools too.  She has helped teachers implement effective strategies, create goals for IEP’s and make classrooms more sensory-friendly.  Mark Twain once said, “Write what you know about,” and Elizabeth enjoys writing about autism-related topics and providing additional resources to help those impacted by autism.

Sooner or later your kids will become adults.  It goes by in the blink of an eye!

It’s never to early to teach your kids the life skills they need later in life.

Especially when it comes to kids with autism.  It might take extra preparation and practice to get them to grasp the necessary life skills. Start now and give them the foundation they need for when they grow up.

I’ll help you get started with the things you need to teach the life skills your children must have!

What Happens After High School?

You might wonder what your child will do when they complete high school.  Adults with autism are a hot topic right now. There are many great programs geared towards kids on the spectrum, but not enough for young adults.  

Even kids with autism grow up.  Luckily therapy clinics, schools, and social services recognize that.  They are starting to put together programs for young adults. Some focus on job skills and independent living.  Others work on making friends and activities.

What your child will do greatly varies.  Much of it depends on their level of functioning.  

I work with a family with twin teenage boys with ASD.  One has Aspergers, the other is nonverbal. The one boy has plans on going to college and will do well.  His brother will probably attend a program through the school district until he is 21. He will learn life skills and get job training.  Either direction they take will be perfect for them.

The key take-away for thinking about what happens after high school is to point your child in the direction that is best for them.  Give them the life skills and support they need so they will thrive and be happy!

The transition from high school to young adulthood can be overwhelming.  Whether kids go off to college or get job training, it can be hard for kids to learn about cooking, money management or finding friends.

Work with your kids now, while you have them under your wing so that they will succeed in learning life skills.

Must-Have Life Skills For Kids With Autism

Here is a list of must-have life skills I highly recommend.  They are life skills kids can do now and will continue to do as adults. I worked on these things with my clients over the years and will share tips on how to teach these life skills to your kids.

Follow A Routine

You probably have your kids on a routine.  You show them the order of events and they follow it.

But do they know you to make a routine for themselves?  This life skill is essential for them to get through their day as an adult.

To teach them how to make a routine for themselves by:

• Pick a small routine for them to set up, like bed time routine.
• Talk to them about the steps they do to get ready for bed.
• Write out the tasks either in list form or with pictures.
• Let them put the tasks in the order they prefer.  It’s their routine after all.

Basic Chores

Kids always love having things done for them, but sooner or later they need to learn responsibility and complete chores.

Whether your kids will end up living on their own, in a group home or with you, completing household chores is a must-have life skill!  Kids at any level of functioning can learn to complete a chore.

I worked with a child who was fully blind and taught him how to empty the dishwasher, set the table and put groceries away!  We showed him the arrangement of the kitchen, then taught him the steps for each chore. With practice he mastered everything!

To teach them how to complete chores try:

• Pick one doable chore, like setting the table.
• Show the steps of the chore, like first plates, then napkins, etc.
• Have your child work on getting good with one chore before showing them a new one.
• Use visuals or cue cards to look at if needed.
• As your child learns a couple of chores you can create a chore chart for them to follow and earn an allowance…which brings us to the next life-skill.

Handling Money

Basic money skills are something adults should have yet many struggle with.  While setting a budget and paying bills might be advanced for kids, teaching them how to earn and handle money is something they can do now.  Here are some tips for teaching basic money handling life skills.

• Teach them the values of money with either real coins or play money.
• Play coin sorting game with little bowls to sort different coins.
• Give them opportunities to earn and allowance.
• Set up pretend play scenarios and play shopping/store to learn how to buy items with the money they have and make change.
• While at the store try-out the same money handling skills practiced at home.
• Teach them simple budget skills by dividing their money into categories like savings, fun spending money, money for lunch.

Food Preparation

Learning how to cook is a valuable life skill.  Of course, kids don’t have to learn how to make gourmet meals (unless that’s a hobby of theirs.)  Kids can learn their way around the kitchen by making easy snacks and meals. Here are some ideas to help your kids learn how to cook later in life:

• Let them get simple meals for themselves like pouring a bowl of cereal or making toast.
• Packing lunch and making after school snacks is a great intro to making meals.
• Involve kids with picking out meals and make a grocery shopping list.
• Let them help with easy tasks, like pouring pre-measured ingredients into the bowl.
• If you want to teach them how to cut food you can get a plastic knife set that cuts food without the worry of getting hurt.
• Use visuals as needed like a recipe card to help them follow steps.

Shopping Skills

Shopping is a big part of grown-up life.  Some shopping is fun, some of it isn’t, but it’s a good life skill to have.  Kids can learn basic skills with you when you run errands. Here are some ways you can help them learn how to shop:  

• Make a shopping list together.  Teaching them to prepare for the shopping trip so they know what to get when they arrive at the store is a lifesaver.
• Let your child get items off the list at the store.  Show them how to find things and reach for it off the shelf.
• Practice asking for help when you need a sales associate’s assistance.
• Talk about different reasons for shopping like replacing items, buying food, getting new things when they wear out.

These must-have life skills will greatly set your child up for adulthood.  When they reach the age to do more things on their own they will have you to thank.  Your kids will be capable to do the things adults have to handle because they had time to practice life skills. 

Elizabeth Purpero

Elizabeth Purpero is a licensed school counselor and licensed professional counselor-in-training.  She has her master’s in counseling psychology.  Elizabeth has worked as an autism therapist with children and teens.  During her career, she has worked in intensive at-home therapy programs utilizing ABA and play therapy along with OT and speech therapy techniques.  She has also worked as a mental health therapist helping clients address their mental health issues as it relates to autism.  Elizabeth’s background working with the autism community has greatly helped her work with students in schools too.  She has helped teachers implement effective strategies, create goals for IEP’s and make classrooms more sensory-friendly.  Mark Twain once said, “Write what you know about,” and Elizabeth enjoys writing about autism-related topics and providing additional resources to help those impacted by autism.

You know the song “Make new friends but keep the old.  One is silver and the other is gold?” Friends are a great treasure…especially during childhood.  For kids with autism friendship can be a real struggle.

A parent of one of my former clients shared with me that one of her biggest pain points in getting an ASD diagnosis is realizing her son would not have the carefreeness of friends.  You know, sharing secrets, getting messy, going on adventures, laughing, playing, and making memories. Does this strike a chord with you? 

Peer relationships may be difficult for kids with special needs but it doesn’t mean children are not capable of making friends.  With support, teaching and practice your youngster can have meaningful friendships with other kids.

Today I will share with you some practical tips for teaching social skills to kids with autism so that they can have a bff or two.

Why Are Social Skills Hard?

Before we get into the practical tips it’s good to understand social interactions from your kid’s perspective so we know how to best help them form friendships.

Dysfunction with social interactions and communication are some of the main characteristics for making an ASD diagnosis.  These include the following categories:

• Sensory sensitivities and issues with self-regulation
• Speech delays for verbal communication
• Inability to pick up on non-verbal cues and understanding perspective
• Being stuck on a routine or repetitive behavior

For a child with autism this can be illustrated with the following examples:

• Child is sensitive to loud sounds or crowds and avoids kid friendly places 
• Child does not have the verbal output to go up to a peer and say “can you play with me?”
• When a child offers a toy to a kid with autism, the autistic kid doesn’t understand that to be a sharing gesture
• Child only wants to line up cars in a line rather than play with them and is not open to other ideas

Not knowing what to say or how to say things along with not understanding how to behave or play can be overwhelming and stressful!  But there is help! Knowing where the struggles are is your starting point to teaching social skills.

Practical Tips

You might be feeling overwhelmed with knowing how to best help and teach your child social skills and how to interact with others.  Keeping things simple and practical is the best approach when it comes to working with your child. Here are other tips:

• Social skills training is a journey and not a lesson to be grasped in one day  
• Regular practice and repetition over time will be your best tool
• What area(s) does your child struggle with most?  Start working in that area
• What does your child do well?  Build up those strengths
• Work on skills in a safe space, like home before venturing out in the community
• Pick a time of day that is good for your child when s/he is not tired, hungry to practice skills

Teaching Social Skills

To keep things practical and simple when it comes to teaching social skills break down skills into bite size pieces.  It may be tempting to think “we’re going to do anything and everything to learn how to make friends!”  

Following the categories from above here are ideas to teach social skills in each area:

Self-Regulation

• Work on skills that teach self-regulation so your child gets the sensory input s/he needs to interact with others
• Practice social skills with regulation activities:  Take turns swinging in a swing, play gross motor games, role-play while jumping on a trampoline
• Bring along self-regulation tools (like a calming kit) while out in social situations

Verbal Communication

• If needed seek guidance from a Speech Therapist to work on speech delays
• Write social stories about how to interact with peers
• During pretend play set-up simple conversation scenarios, like how to greet a person, how to ask friends to play, how to ask for a turn
• Write conversation cue cards about simple conversations to have with a friend like favorite sport, hobbies, school, 

Non-Verbal Cues

• Work on learning and understanding emotions with feelings flashcards
• Write social stories on how read facial expressions and feelings
• Make faces with one another and talk about feeling that go with different faces

Routines And Repetitive Behavior

• Model ways to expand repetitive play themes
• Create a visual schedule on how to play with toys.  For example things to do with blocks: stack into a tower, make a wall, build up and knock down
• Pretend to be a peer that interferes with routine and walk child through the stressors of changing routine and give them calming strategies

Additional Ideas

• Point out social interactions while watching a favorite show or movie
• Read stories about friendship and point out things in the pictures that show social skills
• Play games to practice turn-taking, winning and losing
• If siblings are around ask them to join 
• Practice basic skills like greetings, initiating simple conversations, saying good-bye and respecting personal space

Expanding Social Skills

There are many things you and your child can do to put social skills into practice.  When you believe your child is ready for playing with a friend you can try out:

• Arrange a play-date with a familiar peer and facilitate play-time at with activities that your child likes.  Create a visual schedule and have an end-time. Keep play sesion short.
• Set-up practice session with a peer model with a child who is older.  Older child can model desired behavior and interactions. Coach peer model on what to say or do ahead of time.
• Have your child attend a social skills group that is facilitated by teachers or therapists.  Inquire at school or local therapy clinic. Many locations offer social skills groups that work on peer interactions in a small group setting.
• Ask teachers to work on social skills with fellow classmates.

Your child is very capable of learning the social skills needed to make new friends  With your support and guidance you can help them find meaningful friendships. Follow these practical tips for teaching social skills will get you one step closer to meeting those BFF’s!

Elizabeth Purpero

Elizabeth Purpero is a licensed school counselor and licensed professional counselor-in-training.  She has her master’s in counseling psychology.  Elizabeth has worked as an autism therapist with children and teens.  During her career, she has worked in intensive at-home therapy programs utilizing ABA and play therapy along with OT and speech therapy techniques.  She has also worked as a mental health therapist helping clients address their mental health issues as it relates to autism.  Elizabeth’s background working with the autism community has greatly helped her work with students in schools too.  She has helped teachers implement effective strategies, create goals for IEP’s and make classrooms more sensory-friendly.  Mark Twain once said, “Write what you know about,” and Elizabeth enjoys writing about autism-related topics and providing additional resources to help those impacted by autism.

Teachers have a tough job.  They have the heart to help children learn and grow.  They spend countless hours creating lesson plans and spend money they don’t have to make learning meaningful and fun.  Teachers manage classrooms, challenging behaviors, parents, and requirements set by school districts.

I admire those in the teaching profession.  They are superheroes! At the same time they shouldn’t have to be, meaning teachers shouldn’t be expected to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders as make-believe heroes do.

Did you know you have special powers you can use to help lighten the load for the teachers in your life?

Teachers have been around autism and know general information about teaching strategies.  When they hit a brick wall though I’ve been summoned to share autism-specific teaching strategies so their classroom can run smoother and their students can succeed.

You too are your child’s expert and can share strategies with your kid’s teacher!  Today I will give you ideas to share with teachers if they are having a tough time in the classroom.

One of the top challenges I hear from teachers is handling the sensory needs of kids with autism in the classroom.  Sensory integration is a huge component of kids with ASD. We will focus our attention on sensory strategies.

Share Your Child’s Sensory Needs

The first step to successful sensory management is knowing the student’s sensory needs.  Every child is different and varies in their self-regulation. What works for one child doesn’t work for others.

Teachers I’ve worked with incorporate sensory breaks into the routine but usually use popular activities like jumping, swinging, or blowing bubbles and assume everyone in the classroom will be regulated.  What often gets overlooked is that not every kid is a jumper or bubble blower.

Educating your child’s teacher on who your child can make a world of difference.  You know what makes your youngster tick. Share the following with teachers:

• Over-sensitivity to certain senses
• Under-sensitivity to certain senses
• Preferred senses child seeks input 
• Sensory input child avoids

When I informed teachers what kid’s needs are it helps them determine what sensory activities to include.  If a child responds better to a weighted vest over jumping on a trampoline time won’t be wasted on a jumping break.

Share Your Successful Sensory Strategies

Sharing the sensory strategies you use at home is a great tool to give teachers.  Carrying over interventions used at home into school also strengthens the support students feel from teachers.  It’s familiar and less overwhelming.

Things to share with teachers include:

• Similar layouts for visual schedules
• Use same sensory toys at home and school
• Sensory diets
• Timing of sensory activities (like take a jumping break after a long period of sitting)
• List of activities that are calming and a list of activities that boost energy
• Familiar phrases or terminology you say that teachers can use with students
• Reinforcers or reward system used at home to use in school

One thing to note about sharing strategies with teachers. It is important that teachers feel they can maintain their autonomy and are respected as educators.  To avoid insulting their intelligence and not sounding like micromanager go into these conversations with a team-oriented approach. Your child’s success is your common ground, let that be your guide when working with teachers.

These easy sensory strategies to share with your teacher will greatly help your child.  Teachers will be better equipped to help your child succeed and they will feel supported in the process.

Elizabeth Purpero

Elizabeth Purpero is a licensed school counselor and licensed professional counselor-in-training.  She has her master’s in counseling psychology.  Elizabeth has worked as an autism therapist with children and teens.  During her career, she has worked in intensive at-home therapy programs utilizing ABA and play therapy along with OT and speech therapy techniques.  She has also worked as a mental health therapist helping clients address their mental health issues as it relates to autism.  Elizabeth’s background working with the autism community has greatly helped her work with students in schools too.  She has helped teachers implement effective strategies, create goals for IEP’s and make classrooms more sensory-friendly.  Mark Twain once said, “Write what you know about,” and Elizabeth enjoys writing about autism-related topics and providing additional resources to help those impacted by autism.

One of the classic behaviors in autism is perseveration.  It’s where a person likes to talk about something, perform a task or do an activity over and over.  Some people call it an obsession others call it a fixation. Most people see it as a negative thing

Do you have a child that likes to repeat things a lot?  It is enough to make you want to run away because it gets tiring!  

During my time as a therapist I’ve spent a lot of time trying to correct this behavior in my clients.  And by correcting I mean stopping. Anytime a perseveration came up I would find ways to redirect, distract, or ignore the repetition.  It’s a common practice in autism therapy.

Most times these strategies were met with resistance and the situation quickly spiraled downward.

It got me thinking, does perseveration have to be a bad thing? Is it something that needs to be snuffed out? 

No it doesn’t! 

Changing our perspective on repetitive behavior and seeing it as a tool rather than a hindrance will give us the right way to handle perseverative behavior in autism.  

Here’s how….

Special Interest Not A Fixation

When a kid loves to play with trains all day long or listen to a song on repeat instead of seeing it as a fixation look at it as a special interest.

A special interest is something that is special and meaningful to a person with autism.  A passion if you will.

Repeatedly lining up trains may not be something kids get stuck on, it may be something they are trying to figure out how something works.  Hearing the same song over and over may be a form of self regulation not a fixation.

Typical kids can play Minecraft or perfect their baseball batting skills for hours on end.  We see this as a hobby not an obsession. Why should it be any different for kids with autism?

Instead use special interests and….

• Offer opportunities for kids to explore their special interests.  What else can they do with it? What are they learning? How can they share this?
• Use the special interest as a reward after completing a task  
• Schedule special interest time into the day 

Doing this you will see…

• Lower anxiety  
• More relaxed demeanor 
• Decrease in fixation 
• Less need for control from child

Perseverations Communicate Thoughts

Kids with autism are very visual.  They understand and make sense of things better with pictures.  They also communicate their thoughts visually. Sometimes these thoughts are communicated through special interests.

My former colleague, Judy Endow, who is also autistic describes it best. 

“My thinking is comprised of pictures, colors, shapes along with their sound and movement. If I have no way of storing or retrieving information I will need to hold onto that picture until it happens.  As a child, the way I would hold onto a picture – a thought that was important that I didn’t want to forget – would be to talk about it over and over until the event happened.”

This totally makes sense!  Kids that verbalize their perseveration are usually trying to tell us something. 

Next time a child talks about the same topic repeatedly look for…

• Emotional state of the child. What is their mood like as they are retelling the story?
• Look for hidden meanings behind what they are saying
• Breakdown what they are saying into smaller increments 
• Translate/paraphrase what they are saying back to them 

Need an example?  I had a client that often talked about tree grinders and jumped up and down.  At first it may appear he loves tree grinders. Interestingly though he would bring the topic up when he was anxious, getting upset, or didn’t like an activity.  

Was he just sharing his love of tree grinders? No, he was recalling a time he got agitated when a tree grinder chopped up trees  near his house. The sound was upsetting. He didn’t have the words to tell me he was upset about something at the moment. Rather he had a way of retelling a time he got upset to let me know he was feeling angry now.

As soon as I was able to figure out what he was saying he would calm down when he felt understood.

Doing this you will see…

• Child feels understood
• Better to attend to their needs
• Decrease in repetitive stories
• Teach skills in identifying feelings and learn new words to express themselves

The right way to handle perseverative behavior in autism is to see it has a positive not a negative.  Repetitive behaviors are like a window into our kids minds. It helps us their preferences, hear their stories, and understand their feelings.  

Elizabeth Purpero

Elizabeth Purpero is a licensed school counselor and licensed professional counselor-in-training.  She has her master’s in counseling psychology.  Elizabeth has worked as an autism therapist with children and teens.  During her career, she has worked in intensive at-home therapy programs utilizing ABA and play therapy along with OT and speech therapy techniques.  She has also worked as a mental health therapist helping clients address their mental health issues as it relates to autism.  Elizabeth’s background working with the autism community has greatly helped her work with students in schools too.  She has helped teachers implement effective strategies, create goals for IEP’s and make classrooms more sensory-friendly.  Mark Twain once said, “Write what you know about,” and Elizabeth enjoys writing about autism-related topics and providing additional resources to help those impacted by autism.