Elizabeth Purpero

We all have hopes and dreams for our children.  We want them to be healthy. We want them to be happy.  We want them to have opportunities. To spread their wings and fly.

As a therapist who has worked in intensive in-home therapy programs, I often meet new clients right after their child gets diagnosed with autism.  I’m often asked by an overwhelmed mom or dad, “Now what?”  

Getting an ASD diagnosis is a hard pill to swallow at first.  You may mourn the loss of the hopes and dreams you had for your youngster.  You may feel like a first-time parent all over again, unsure of how to navigate this new journey.

Perhaps you’re in this season right now.  Perhaps you’ve been here already but you know of someone who is facing autism for the first time.  What do you do?

If your world has been turned upside down I’m here turn it right side up.  Today’s post will address how to handle the overwhelming feelings that come with getting an autism diagnosis.

Define Your Normal

My child has autism.  Now what?  

How will you answer that question?

The first place to start is to define your normal.  I always tell my first-time clients that there is no such thing as normal.  We are all different that’s for sure.  

I don’t want to dismiss the idea of mainstream culture though.  Most people are comfortable with mainstream differences like my child plays sports, your child is gifted in music.  My child loves chocolate ice cream, your child loves vanilla.

People aren’t always comfortable with things like, my child is non-verbal and goes to speech therapy and your child has an IEP.

So while it may be mainstream for parents to coach their son’s soccer team and run their daughter to a birthday party, if you are not doing those things doesn’t mean there is something wrong with your situation.  

You do you.  Your family does what they do and that is what is important.  Embrace the things you and your child does.  

Easier said than done you may say.

So what does defining your normal look like?

Recognize Your Child Is Who They’ve Always Been

Now you just have a name to what’s been going on with your kiddo all along.  To help my clients come to grips with a new autism diagnosis I ask them before he or she was diagnosed were they different than after you got the news?  

Before autism were they free from perseverating on toys and now they just started that?  Were sensory issues absent until now? Did they never have meltdowns and now they do?

More than likely kids had all of their challenges before getting diagnosed, that’s why parents probably sought help because they knew something was different.

Now you know but that doesn’t change who your child has been all this time.  What this diagnosis does do is….

Gives You A Deeper Understanding Of Who Your Child Is

I often encourage my clients by telling them an autism diagnosis allows them to know their child on a deeper level.  

Why did your son always get upset at a crowded store?  Why did your daughter hate wearing long sleeves? How come your child loves to spin in circles?

Autism.

Now you know what makes them tick.  Knowing that will help you know how to parent them in the way they need to be parented. 

A meltdown in a store isn’t about being “naughty.”  Now you know it might be related to something that your child has difficulty making sense of.  Now you know how you can help your kiddo when you see the situation through that lens. 

It ends the wondering and grasping for straws.  When you fully know your child and who they are you will be able to focus your energy in the areas that need it most. Focusing on your child with an autism lense will lead you to…. 

Figure Out Their Potential

Another thing I tell new parents is that having an autism diagnosis will help their child fully grow into the person they are able to become.

Not everyone can become an NFL MVP.  Not everyone gets the Nobel Peace Prize.  That doesn’t mean people can’t achieve other things.

Same with autism.  Having a diagnosis can be seen as a limitation.  Or it can be seen as a potential to be reached.  

One of my most memorable moments as a therapist was teaching a non-verbal little girl how to say “Mama” and “I love you.”  I saw the angst and pain in the mother not being able to hear her child say that. Every other child can say that to their mom, why can’t mine?

I started working with the girl when she just turned 3.  She could only gesture or point to pictures to communicate.  She obviously understood words and thoughts, we just needed to help her get them out.  We knew she had the potential to learn to talk.

After two years of speech therapy my client said “mama” and “I love you” for the first time.  They were the sweetest words her parents heard and they had a deeper appreciation for them.  

So she didn’t start talking when she was 1.  So she learned to talk when she was 5. While it took her longer to reach her potential she did get there.  With a lot of work and her own timeline, she got there! She reached her potential.

The point is to recognize your child does have potential and he or she can get there!

Defining your normal for you and your child is more about addressing matters of the heart than following an easy three-step program.  

When you recognize your child for who they are, have a deeper understanding of what makes them make them the way they are and see they have goals to reach you will be able to define your normal.

You may wish your child didn’t need to go to therapy.  That going to school is easy for him or her. That she can have friends like anybody else or could go out in public without a special plan.  

What you get instead is a deep sense of pride when you see your child grasp a new skill.  You cherish the fleeting moments they snuggle into your lap. Love talking about their favorite topics over and over again because that is who your child is and that is normal for you!

Frank Zappa once said, “Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible”  Your normal is seeing the progress and growth your child is able to achieve!

I hope seeing autism in this light will help you handle the overwhelming feelings that come with getting a diagnosis.

Elizabeth Purpero

Elizabeth Purpero is a licensed school counselor and licensed professional counselor-in-training.  She has her master’s in counseling psychology.  Elizabeth has worked as an autism therapist with children and teens.  During her career, she has worked in intensive at-home therapy programs utilizing ABA and play therapy along with OT and speech therapy techniques.  She has also worked as a mental health therapist helping clients address their mental health issues as it relates to autism.  Elizabeth’s background working with the autism community has greatly helped her work with students in schools too.  She has helped teachers implement effective strategies, create goals for IEP’s and make classrooms more sensory-friendly.  Mark Twain once said, “Write what you know about,” and Elizabeth enjoys writing about autism-related topics and providing additional resources to help those impacted by autism.

Kids with autism love predictability.  They thrive on knowing what is coming up next.  They find security in knowing what to expect.

Establishing a routine is one way to help your youngster have a smooth day.  When you follow one day in and day out they know what to do and where to be. It creates a rhythm for their day.

Another component of a smooth routine is a visual schedule.  Having a visual aid greatly helps reinforce the order of activities.  In today’s post, I will go over how to successfully follow routines with a visual schedule.

What Is A Visual Schedule

Kids on the autism spectrum don’t always pick up on social cues or verbal and non-verbal communication.  Visuals are a great tool to better help communicate messages and how to complete activities.

I use visual schedules in my therapy sessions with great success.  It helps create a flow and purpose to the hour and my clients find comfort in knowing what they will be doing when they enter the office.

So what is a visual schedule?

Essentially a visual schedule is a list of written activities with pictures that correspond with each activity.  The pictures serve as a quick reference for children to see what the activity will look like.

The words on the schedule structure the day or activity, pictures illustrate predictability.

Visual schedules can be used to list out the order of events for an entire day or can be used to break down a task into smaller steps.

How To Make A Visual Schedule

I usually structure my visual schedules with writing out the words in numerical order on the left and put the pictures across from the words on the right.

Clipart or something similar has a great library of pictures to choose from.

There are several ways to make a visual schedule.  

For routines that occur daily, you can make a more permanent visual schedule by typing it up, pasting the pictures on the document, and printing it off. 

For infrequent or spontaneous activities you can either hand write and draw little pictures.  Or you can keep an envelope of printed clipart pictures and tape those to a schedule. The pictures can be reused.

Different Types of Schedules

Schedules are a great tool to reinforce the activities of the day or to break tasks down into smaller steps.  You can make a schedule for either type of situation.

For a daily schedule you can list out the general events: 

• Wake-up
• Eat breakfast
• Get dressed
• Go to school

If schedules differ from day to day you can also create one for each day of the week.

Visual schedules can also be used to break tasks down into smaller steps or teach a new skill. 

To use eating breakfast as an example:

• Get out bowl and spoon
• Pick out cereal from the pantry
• Open cereal box
• Pour cereal into a bowl
• Pour milk into the bowl
• Eat breakfast

How To Use A Visual Schedule

To make sure your child is successfully following routines with a visual schedule you need to make sure the schedules are in areas that your child will see them.

Here are some tips to help you and your child use a visual schedule.

• Hang up the daily schedule in an easily accessible area for your child.  The refrigerator, bulletin board, front door are some examples.  Make sure it is at child’s eye level.

• Put schedules for specific tasks in the area that the task occurs in. Tape up bathroom related activities on the bathroom mirror.  Attach getting ready to leave the house routine to the back door and so on.

• Make schedules portable.  Clipboards are a great way to bring a visual schedule along as you move throughout your day.  If you’re on the go you can use a smaller piece of paper that can easily slip into a pocket or purse.

• Visual schedules can be interchangeable.  Tack a piece of velcro on a dry erase board along with frequently used cut out pictures.  If a routine needs to be changed you can swap out words and pictures as needed.  

Successfully following routines using a visual schedule is a great tool to have and will help the day go much smoother for you and your child.

Elizabeth Purpero

Elizabeth Purpero is a licensed school counselor and licensed professional counselor-in-training.  She has her master’s in counseling psychology.  Elizabeth has worked as an autism therapist with children and teens.  During her career, she has worked in intensive at-home therapy programs utilizing ABA and play therapy along with OT and speech therapy techniques.  She has also worked as a mental health therapist helping clients address their mental health issues as it relates to autism.  Elizabeth’s background working with the autism community has greatly helped her work with students in schools too.  She has helped teachers implement effective strategies, create goals for IEP’s and make classrooms more sensory-friendly.  Mark Twain once said, “Write what you know about,” and Elizabeth enjoys writing about autism-related topics and providing additional resources to help those impacted by autism.

Are you feeling stuck helping your child recognize emotions in themselves and others?  You are not alone if you are!

Kids with ASD often tend to struggle with identifying and labeling emotions.  They lack understanding when it comes to knowing how they feel and how others feel.  Kids also have difficulty interpreting non-verbal cues with feelings and emotions.

Today I’m going to share with you an easy emotion recognition activity.  This activity is simple for you to teach your child and afterwards your kiddo will be able to recognize emotions and the visual cues that go with each feeling.

Emotion Recognition

Kids with autism respond very well with visuals.  For this activity you will be creating emotion visual flash cards.  These flash cards will help your child look at different facial expressions and associate the feelings with the faces to be able to understand emotion recognition.

Supplies Needed:

• Magazines
• Scissors
• Tape or glue
• 4×6 index cards
• Small mirror

Create Emotion Recognition Flashcards

• Go through different magazines and cut out pictures of people with different feelings.  Look for simple emotions when first starting out like happy, sad, mad, tired.
• Tape the pictures onto 4×6 cards.
• Next to the picture write out the emotion that is being expressed in the picture.

Teaching Emotion Recognition

There are different phases to this activity that build off of one another.  As your child becomes proficient with each step you can move on to the next phase.

Phase One:  Learn Emotion Labels

• With your child go through each picture and label the emotions.  
• Hold up a card and label the card for your child like “this card is happy.” 
• As your child learns the cards remove your verbal cue and have them label the emotion for the card.

Phase Two: Emotion Recognition Visual Cues

After your child is able to label emotions it’s time to learn the visual cues associated with each emotion.

• Select a card.  For example: “happy.”
• With simple verbal cues describe what you see in the picture. For example:  “The person is smiling.  He is happy.” “This person has tears.  She is sad.”
• Review facial expressions with the emotion labels.
• As your child learns facial expressions have your child describe what they see in each picture.

Phase Three:  Emotion Recognition In Self

Now it’s time for your child to  learn how to recognize feelings and facial expressions in themselves. 

• Have a child look at a flash card and label emotion.
• Hold up a mirror for your child to look into.
• Ask your child “how does your face look when you feel mad.”
• Have your child make the face.  You might need to demonstrate for them.
• As your child learns the different expressions go through the flashcards and have them make a corresponding expression.  For example: hold up the happy card and say “make a happy face”

Phase Four: Emotion Recognition Out In The World

This phase helps put it all together to see how people feel in different scenarios.

• One the back of each card make a list of situations that can make people feel a certain way.
• Ask your child to think of things for themselves and for others.  For example: “What makes you happy?  “What makes someone else happy?”
• Go through each flashcard and have your child say label the emotion and the reason behind it. For example:  “This person feels happy because he is playing.  I can feel happy when I am having fun.”

Adding to Emotion Recognition Activity

• As your child gets proficient at simple emotions you can add more complex feelings like excited, frustrated or bored.
• Role-play different emotions to help foster further understanding.
• If your child seems unsure or confused about feelings or what to say model the appropriate response until they learn.
• Stay away from words like always or never when labeling emotions.  For example don’t say “people always cry when they are sad.” Try to keep it general like “people might cry when they are sad.”
• Every child learns at their own pace.
• You can pick and choose how many flashcards to do in a session depending on how your child is feeling.  Keep it fun.

I’ve used this easy emotion recognition activity with many of my clients and it is so neat to see them figure out how to read their facial expression and visual cues in others.  When kids start to understand their emotions it helps all involved learn to communicate and understand each other on a deeper level.

Elizabeth Purpero

Elizabeth Purpero is a licensed school counselor and licensed professional counselor-in-training.  She has her master’s in counseling psychology.  Elizabeth has worked as an autism therapist with children and teens.  During her career, she has worked in intensive at-home therapy programs utilizing ABA and play therapy along with OT and speech therapy techniques.  She has also worked as a mental health therapist helping clients address their mental health issues as it relates to autism.  Elizabeth’s background working with the autism community has greatly helped her work with students in schools too.  She has helped teachers implement effective strategies, create goals for IEP’s and make classrooms more sensory-friendly.  Mark Twain once said, “Write what you know about,” and Elizabeth enjoys writing about autism-related topics and providing additional resources to help those impacted by autism.

Is it really hard for your child on the spectrum to cope with changes to routine? Not sure how to help them? Then try the ideas in this article!

Kids with autism thrive on routine and always like to know what’s right around the corner.  In a recent post, I discussed using visual schedules to help routines run smoother. But what about the times when routines are out of whack?

Life happens.  Vacations, illness, bad weather, even road construction can derail a kid’s schedule. So how do you get through these wrenches life throws at you? Today’s post talks about how to help kids with autism deal with change in routine. 

Prepare For The Unexpected

Change can be hard, especially for those living with autism. Spontaneous change can be particularly difficult because there isn’t time for foreshadowing. Even though you may not know what the unexpected will bring there are things you can do to help your child be prepared to deal with change in routine.

Manage Expectations By Using A Question Mark

• As you write out your daily list with your child, put a question mark by a couple of activities to indicate those events are a possibility, not a certainty
• Practice not doing those activities from time to time
• Talk about things like not enough time, space, or materials
• Make a plan to do the canceled event another time

Model Behavior That Deals With Change In Routine

• Pick a simple task you do and come up with a reason why you can’t do it when you were planning on it.  For example, you ran out of coffee and can’t make any.
• Verbalize your thought process: “Oh, no I’m out of coffee and I want to make some.”
• Express your feelings: “I really want coffee and am frustrated that I can’t have some.”
• Talk about an alternative solution: “Well I can’t have coffee.  I can make another choice.  We have tea or hot chocolate.  I will pick tea.  Then I will put the coffee on the shopping list and buy some at the store so I can have it tomorrow.”

Talk About Life Interruptions

• Write social stories about different scenarios that can change routines
• During pretend play interactions roleplay changes in routine
• Normalize situations like weather changes, people run late, etc.

How To Deal With Change In Routine

Helping kids understand plans change at a moment’s notice can deal with change in routine. When schedules are broken it still is normal to get upset.  Here are some tips to help them work through the disappointment.

Help Your Child Calm Down

• Help your child calm down with the tools you normally use before discussing the change in routine
• Let your child select a preferred activity to help redirect and distract from disappointment
• Take a sensory break to help calm child

Talk About It!

• After your child is calmer and in a good spot to talk discuss the situation
• Help child recall how life can change through social stories, role-playing or past events

Make A New Plan For The Change

• Provide alternative solutions:  “We normally go to the park, but it’s raining.  Instead, we could build an obstacle course or go on a scavenger hunt.”
• Let your child help decide what the solution will be
• Help your child see when he or she will be able to get back to a normal routine. Look at the calendar, write down a schedule for the next day, etc.

Reward Your Child

• Praise your child for coping and making alternative plans
• Describe the positive behaviors: ”I like how you calmed down after taking some deep breaths and made another choice”
• Reward child: extra time for favorite activity, extra attention from you, stickers or another treat

An unexpected change in routine can be difficult and disappointing.  Following these tips will help kids with autism deal with change in routine and teach them valuable skills in flexibility and going with the flow.

Elizabeth Purpero

Elizabeth Purpero is a licensed school counselor and licensed professional counselor-in-training.  She has her master’s in counseling psychology.  Elizabeth has worked as an autism therapist with children and teens.  During her career, she has worked in intensive at-home therapy programs utilizing ABA and play therapy along with OT and speech therapy techniques.  She has also worked as a mental health therapist helping clients address their mental health issues as it relates to autism.  Elizabeth’s background working with the autism community has greatly helped her work with students in schools too.  She has helped teachers implement effective strategies, create goals for IEP’s and make classrooms more sensory-friendly.  Mark Twain once said, “Write what you know about,” and Elizabeth enjoys writing about autism-related topics and providing additional resources to help those impacted by autism.