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Has the drop off routine been causing your child extra stress lately? Maybe you are preparing for your child’s very first experience with daycare or school. Or, you could be working up to having a babysitter or nanny stay with your child while you and your partner go on a date night. There are lots of situations that require you to say goodbye to your child temporarily. This can be harder on some families than others, and for different reasons.

For example, separation anxiety might strike you or your child at different times. Or, drop off could be going along smoothly for weeks or months when all of a sudden something changes and you’re back to square one. For families of children with autism, separation might be made even more difficult due to communication and behavior challenges.

But separation doesn’t have to be a looming cause of anxiety. There are some key strategies to planning for separation that help assuage the stress, and foster feelings of success and comfort rather than failure and loneliness. In this article, we will cover how to plan for successful separation during school or daycare drop off. We will also discuss how to problem solve unexpected occurrences of separation anxiety and non-routine separation plans.

Gradual Separation

Gradual separation is a common approach to first-time school and drop off routines. It may be less stressful for parents who are not ready to see their child cry or whose child may be prone to lengthy tantrums. The gradual separation plan can be well-suited for children with autism and other special needs. It uses shaping and prompt fading to build social emotional resilience in situations where the child is independent from the parents. To do gradual separation, follow these steps:

1. Discuss the plan with the teacher or daycare provider. 

It is critical that you as a team are on the same page. The teacher or caregiver will adjust their goals for what will be accomplished at school or daycare that day based on the plan. Furthermore, gradual separation may take multiple days to complete, so it is important that you develop a sketch of the steps of the plan together, in advance. Decide together what you will do in the classroom, how long you will stay, and how you will communicate when you are ready to leave.

2. Do not say goodbye to your child unless you are leaving. 

Gradual separation should occur in a linear fashion, without starting to leave and then deciding to stay if your child cries. Instead, you should enter the classroom with your child and communicate what you will be doing: “I am going to sit in this chair while you play with your friends. Your teacher will help you.”

3. The goal is to shape your child’s independence incrementally, so they learn to do things with you further away or less involved. 

But, they still know you are close by, which helps with their comfort and confidence. To this end, you should focus on ways to fade your presence. For example, encourage your child to accept help from a peer or teacher to open a toy container instead of yourself. Sit off to the side of the circle time area instead of at circle with your child on your lap. If your child cries while you are still in the room, provide neutral comfort but stay calm. Remember that your child is learning to self soothe and accept comfort from other trusted adults, and crying is part of that learning.

4. Follow your child’s cues to move to the next step of the plan, and repeat this process until you’ve successfully reached the point of being able to drop off and say goodbye at the door. 

For example, your child might initiate going to circle on their own instead of you carrying them over. Or, they might accept prompting from the teacher to do this instead of requiring it from you. At this point you would follow your child’s lead by fading your presence back to sitting at the side of the room but not leaving completely.

5. Once your child is consistently playing independently or with peers, following routines independently or with help from an adult other than you, and accepting comfort from another adult, you can plan to drop off at the door the next day or at the next class period. 

Tell your child’s daycare provider or teacher that you are ready to do this so they can plan ahead too, and support you to follow through with saying goodbye and leaving. Once you’ve reached this stage, you can follow the same steps as are outlined in “Fast Separation.”

Fast Separation

Fast separation is often successful for parents and children who already have experience being apart for short periods of time. It’s also handy for when work schedules or the needs of other children prevent the parent from doing the gradual separation approach, which is time consuming.

Fast separation can be a good strategy for children with autism as long as there is a communication plan in place ahead of time, and the adult(s) receiving the child are prepared with knowledge about your child’s particular needs. Consider sending this information in an email, having a phone call prior to the first day, or meeting with the provider ahead of time so they can meet your child. This way you and the provider or teacher will be better equipped to carry out the fast separation plan successfully without stopping to share additional information in the moment.

The following steps can also be used if you have done the gradual transition process and you and your child are ready for drop off and goodbye at the door.

1. While being conscientious about your school or daycare’s requirements, ensure your child has access to comfort items such as a favorite stuffed animal or pictures of you. 

Any special items like allergen-free foods or toileting materials (i.e. flushable wipes) that they need should also be included as per school or daycare guidelines. 

2. Communicate with your child in advance, but don’t dwell unnecessarily on the separation. For example, you could say: “Now we are going to school. 

You are going to play with your teachers and friends while I am at work. I will come back to pick you up when school is over.”

3. When you arrive at the destination, go to the door and complete the hand off of your child to their caregiver or teacher. 

Give your child a hug and say something like “Bye bye, I love you, I will see you after school.”

4. Now it’s time to go. It is OK and normal if your child cries. Their teacher is there to comfort them while you are gone. 

The teacher will also contact you if your child gets sick or cries so long that they need to scale back to gradual separation. However, this is very uncommon. Your child is more likely to adapt to their environment and calm down once you are gone. It is important that you provide your child with autism that clear consistency of saying goodbye, leaving, and then returning later. You should not spend a long time saying goodbye or draw the process out, or “cancel” the process altogether by deciding not to leave. Instead, keep the drop off to one minute or less. This teaches them that “goodbye” is not a bad thing and that they can always trust you will come back. Over time, it will become easier.

Dealing with Setbacks

Setbacks may happen when your child has a new teacher or changes schools. Or, you could have something going on at home that’s causing changes to routines there – and sometimes this will also impact school routines. 

Setbacks are to be expected. Normally, your child will be able to work through these in a few days if you stick to the routine. However, if you feel extra support is needed, you can talk to the teacher about scaling up on comfort items that you send for awhile. Or, if your schedule permits, you can shorten the duration of time between drop off and pick up for awhile.

Non-Routine Separation

Non-routine separation is most common when you have a babysitter come to your home for a special event, or drop your child off at a community childcare center with which they are not as familiar. For non-routine separation, follow all of the same steps as with routine separation plans. Make sure that the care provider is prepared to comfort your child for a longer time if it takes them a while to settle in. And, make sure you’ve got your phone on vibrate so you can be reached if necessary, but so that you’re not feeling like you have to constantly check the screen while you’re at an event or doing something fun with your partner.

Courtney Gutierrez, M.Ed., BCBA, LBA

Courtney Gutierrez, M.Ed., BCBA, LBA Courtney is a behavior analyst, educator, and writer in the Pacific Northwest. She has over fifteen years of experience in the field of autism services, and over ten years of master’s level experience in classroom teaching and ABA therapy. Her areas of expertise include infant and toddler development, parent coaching, ABA clinical leadership and training, P-12 special education, and case consultation for children and young adults with autism and other special needs. Courtney lives in Seattle with her husband and two children.

“Please go to sleep, please go to sleep, please go to sleep.” “Please stay asleep, please stay asleep, please stay asleep.” Have either of these become your mantra, during your child’s bedtime, or later when you’re trying to wind down and go to sleep yourself?

Teaching sleep routines is hard for many parents. Maintaining those routines during sleep regressions can be even harder. If you have a child with autism, you may have found that traditional sleep training methods don’t work for you, at least at face value.

In this article, we’ll discuss a sleep training method for young children that often flies under the radar: the bedtime pass. We’ll go over what the bedtime pass system is, how it works, and how to modify it for children on the spectrum.

What Is Bedtime Pass?

The bedtime pass system was first developed by Dr. Pat Friman, a practitioner and researcher specializing in behavioral health research and clinical practice. In 1999, Dr. Friman and a research partner, Connie Schnoes, published the results of a study they conducted using the bedtime pass. The system was successful, and the method was then tested in various research studies over the following decade.

Bedtime pass has been disseminated to families through the suggestion of pediatricians, parent coaches, behavioral therapists, and other health and wellness influencers like Dr. Alan Greene. Today, bedtime pass remains one of the lesser known strategies for sleep training, because it is not for use with infants, or toddlers under around three years of age. However, it continues to steadily gain in popularity as parents discover it when their child is a little older and find success.

The bedtime pass system provides an alternative to letting your child cry and waiting it out while they have a tantrum in their room before falling asleep. It is also a good strategy to use when transitioning from a crib to a bed. This is because the bedtime pass provides structure around when it is allowable to get out of bed, instead of figuring this out with your child by trial and error once the crib rails are gone.

How Does The Bedtime Pass Work?

Here’s how the traditional bedtime pass system works:

1. Create the bedtime pass with your child. You can draw on the card with your child, or decorate with stickers, et cetera. You don’t have to write “bedtime pass” on the card, but you can if this is motivating for your child. This also may help others who are involved in the bedtime routine such as your spouse or babysitter. 

2. Talk about the plan. Give your child instructions on how the bedtime pass works, before you start. Identify what day you’ll begin the program and keep the bedtime pass stored away until it’s time to start. This will help increase excitement and positive feelings about the system, since the pass you and your child decorated together is specially reserved for starting bedtime pass.

3. Implement the pass. Do your child’s bedtime routine as normal. This could include a sequence like bath time, pajamas, brushing teeth, reading a story, and singing a song. Tuck your child in to their bed. Place the pass on their bedside table. Remind them that the pass is there if they need to get out of bed, for a hug, or a drink of water, or anything like that. They can use it once each night. If they use it, you’ll keep it for them until the following night. Then say goodnight and leave the room.

4. If your child uses the pass, provide them with what they are seeking, whether it be water, a hug, or perhaps another short song. Give your attention freely, this first time they use the pass. Then, lead them back to bed and tuck them in again. This time, keep the pass. You can let them know they’ll be able to use it again the next night. Say goodnight and leave the room.

5. If your child gets out of bed again, give minimal attention. Lead them back to their bed. Repeat this as many times as necessary. Research has shown that this method results in far less crying at nighttime, and quick results. Children who use bedtime pass begin falling asleep more quickly, and even begin to keep their pass with them all night, not needing to use it at all.

How Can I Make Bedtime Pass Work For My Child With Autism?

You may be thinking: “there is no way this would work with my child! They will tantrum all night long, and I’ll be just as exhausted as ever.” Here are some tips and tricks to adjust bedtime pass specifically for kiddos on the spectrum.

1. Use more than one pass, at first. You should identify how many times your child is getting out of bed at night, and start with that many passes. For example, if it takes a max of 5 trips before they fall asleep, plus 1 midnight wake-up where they need help to go back to sleep, you could start with 7 passes. Start with the absolute maximum you think you will need in order for the bedtime pass system to work. At first, you won’t see a difference in the amount of time and energy you’re dedicating to getting your child to sleep, of course. The idea is that once they’re using the pass system successfully, you’ll be able to gradually decrease the amount of passes you leave with them at bedtime.

2. Use a visual guide, or a social story. Using pictures to illustrate bedtime pass and what your child will do as well as what you will do at every step of the process can help them catch on to what’s expected. When each step is presented in a sequence, it also helps you stick to the plan when you’re tired or overwhelmed. This will also help you establish additional guidelines for the system, like what happens when your child gets up without the pass, what kinds of things they can trade the pass in for, and if the pass functions differently at bedtime vs. during middle of the night wake-ups. 

3. Add in additional reinforcement. This could take any number of forms. You might provide your child with an additional reinforcer each time they use the pass, like a star on a chart toward earning a new LEGO set, or a finger puppet for their collection, or a special sticker. You could allow cash-in of unused bedtime passes for reinforcers the following morning. You can time your child’s total minutes out of bed, and do a special reinforcer each day following nights when those total minutes decrease.

4. Troubleshoot. If the bedtime pass doesn’t work at first, what are some things you can adjust? Do you need to talk about the pass at night more, or perhaps less? Do you need to adjust your number of passes? Do you need to change your methods so that the times your child uses the pass are clearly reinforced, while times they get out of bed after all passes have been used up are clearly neutral?

Sources & Additional Resources:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10520609/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1702334/

https://www.drgreene.com/bedtime-pass-program

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/09/18/441492810/the-bedtime-pass-helps-parents-and-kids-skip-the-sleep-struggles

https://www.autismspeaks.org/sites/default/files/2018-09/Sleep%20Quick%20Tips.pdf

https://vkc.mc.vanderbilt.edu/assets/files/resources/sleepasd.pdf

Courtney Gutierrez, M.Ed., BCBA, LBA

Courtney Gutierrez, M.Ed., BCBA, LBA Courtney is a behavior analyst, educator, and writer in the Pacific Northwest. She has over fifteen years of experience in the field of autism services, and over ten years of master’s level experience in classroom teaching and ABA therapy. Her areas of expertise include infant and toddler development, parent coaching, ABA clinical leadership and training, P-12 special education, and case consultation for children and young adults with autism and other special needs. Courtney lives in Seattle with her husband and two children.

We all have hopes and dreams for our children.  We want them to be healthy. We want them to be happy.  We want them to have opportunities. To spread their wings and fly.

As a therapist who has worked in intensive in-home therapy programs, I often meet new clients right after their child gets diagnosed with autism.  I’m often asked by an overwhelmed mom or dad, “Now what?”  

Getting an ASD diagnosis is a hard pill to swallow at first.  You may mourn the loss of the hopes and dreams you had for your youngster.  You may feel like a first-time parent all over again, unsure of how to navigate this new journey.

Perhaps you’re in this season right now.  Perhaps you’ve been here already but you know of someone who is facing autism for the first time.  What do you do?

If your world has been turned upside down I’m here turn it right side up.  Today’s post will address how to handle the overwhelming feelings that come with getting an autism diagnosis.

Define Your Normal

My child has autism.  Now what?  

How will you answer that question?

The first place to start is to define your normal.  I always tell my first-time clients that there is no such thing as normal.  We are all different that’s for sure.  

I don’t want to dismiss the idea of mainstream culture though.  Most people are comfortable with mainstream differences like my child plays sports, your child is gifted in music.  My child loves chocolate ice cream, your child loves vanilla.

People aren’t always comfortable with things like, my child is non-verbal and goes to speech therapy and your child has an IEP.

So while it may be mainstream for parents to coach their son’s soccer team and run their daughter to a birthday party, if you are not doing those things doesn’t mean there is something wrong with your situation.  

You do you.  Your family does what they do and that is what is important.  Embrace the things you and your child does.  

Easier said than done you may say.

So what does defining your normal look like?

Recognize Your Child Is Who They’ve Always Been

Now you just have a name to what’s been going on with your kiddo all along.  To help my clients come to grips with a new autism diagnosis I ask them before he or she was diagnosed were they different than after you got the news?  

Before autism were they free from perseverating on toys and now they just started that?  Were sensory issues absent until now? Did they never have meltdowns and now they do?

More than likely kids had all of their challenges before getting diagnosed, that’s why parents probably sought help because they knew something was different.

Now you know but that doesn’t change who your child has been all this time.  What this diagnosis does do is….

Gives You A Deeper Understanding Of Who Your Child Is

I often encourage my clients by telling them an autism diagnosis allows them to know their child on a deeper level.  

Why did your son always get upset at a crowded store?  Why did your daughter hate wearing long sleeves? How come your child loves to spin in circles?

Autism.

Now you know what makes them tick.  Knowing that will help you know how to parent them in the way they need to be parented. 

A meltdown in a store isn’t about being “naughty.”  Now you know it might be related to something that your child has difficulty making sense of.  Now you know how you can help your kiddo when you see the situation through that lens. 

It ends the wondering and grasping for straws.  When you fully know your child and who they are you will be able to focus your energy in the areas that need it most. Focusing on your child with an autism lense will lead you to…. 

Figure Out Their Potential

Another thing I tell new parents is that having an autism diagnosis will help their child fully grow into the person they are able to become.

Not everyone can become an NFL MVP.  Not everyone gets the Nobel Peace Prize.  That doesn’t mean people can’t achieve other things.

Same with autism.  Having a diagnosis can be seen as a limitation.  Or it can be seen as a potential to be reached.  

One of my most memorable moments as a therapist was teaching a non-verbal little girl how to say “Mama” and “I love you.”  I saw the angst and pain in the mother not being able to hear her child say that. Every other child can say that to their mom, why can’t mine?

I started working with the girl when she just turned 3.  She could only gesture or point to pictures to communicate.  She obviously understood words and thoughts, we just needed to help her get them out.  We knew she had the potential to learn to talk.

After two years of speech therapy my client said “mama” and “I love you” for the first time.  They were the sweetest words her parents heard and they had a deeper appreciation for them.  

So she didn’t start talking when she was 1.  So she learned to talk when she was 5. While it took her longer to reach her potential she did get there.  With a lot of work and her own timeline, she got there! She reached her potential.

The point is to recognize your child does have potential and he or she can get there!

Defining your normal for you and your child is more about addressing matters of the heart than following an easy three-step program.  

When you recognize your child for who they are, have a deeper understanding of what makes them make them the way they are and see they have goals to reach you will be able to define your normal.

You may wish your child didn’t need to go to therapy.  That going to school is easy for him or her. That she can have friends like anybody else or could go out in public without a special plan.  

What you get instead is a deep sense of pride when you see your child grasp a new skill.  You cherish the fleeting moments they snuggle into your lap. Love talking about their favorite topics over and over again because that is who your child is and that is normal for you!

Frank Zappa once said, “Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible”  Your normal is seeing the progress and growth your child is able to achieve!

I hope seeing autism in this light will help you handle the overwhelming feelings that come with getting a diagnosis.

Elizabeth Purpero

Elizabeth Purpero is a licensed school counselor and licensed professional counselor-in-training.  She has her master’s in counseling psychology.  Elizabeth has worked as an autism therapist with children and teens.  During her career, she has worked in intensive at-home therapy programs utilizing ABA and play therapy along with OT and speech therapy techniques.  She has also worked as a mental health therapist helping clients address their mental health issues as it relates to autism.  Elizabeth’s background working with the autism community has greatly helped her work with students in schools too.  She has helped teachers implement effective strategies, create goals for IEP’s and make classrooms more sensory-friendly.  Mark Twain once said, “Write what you know about,” and Elizabeth enjoys writing about autism-related topics and providing additional resources to help those impacted by autism.

Kids with autism love predictability.  They thrive on knowing what is coming up next.  They find security in knowing what to expect.

Establishing a routine is one way to help your youngster have a smooth day.  When you follow one day in and day out they know what to do and where to be. It creates a rhythm for their day.

Another component of a smooth routine is a visual schedule.  Having a visual aid greatly helps reinforce the order of activities.  In today’s post, I will go over how to successfully follow routines with a visual schedule.

What Is A Visual Schedule

Kids on the autism spectrum don’t always pick up on social cues or verbal and non-verbal communication.  Visuals are a great tool to better help communicate messages and how to complete activities.

I use visual schedules in my therapy sessions with great success.  It helps create a flow and purpose to the hour and my clients find comfort in knowing what they will be doing when they enter the office.

So what is a visual schedule?

Essentially a visual schedule is a list of written activities with pictures that correspond with each activity.  The pictures serve as a quick reference for children to see what the activity will look like.

The words on the schedule structure the day or activity, pictures illustrate predictability.

Visual schedules can be used to list out the order of events for an entire day or can be used to break down a task into smaller steps.

How To Make A Visual Schedule

I usually structure my visual schedules with writing out the words in numerical order on the left and put the pictures across from the words on the right.

Clipart or something similar has a great library of pictures to choose from.

There are several ways to make a visual schedule.  

For routines that occur daily, you can make a more permanent visual schedule by typing it up, pasting the pictures on the document, and printing it off. 

For infrequent or spontaneous activities you can either hand write and draw little pictures.  Or you can keep an envelope of printed clipart pictures and tape those to a schedule. The pictures can be reused.

Different Types of Schedules

Schedules are a great tool to reinforce the activities of the day or to break tasks down into smaller steps.  You can make a schedule for either type of situation.

For a daily schedule you can list out the general events: 

• Wake-up
• Eat breakfast
• Get dressed
• Go to school

If schedules differ from day to day you can also create one for each day of the week.

Visual schedules can also be used to break tasks down into smaller steps or teach a new skill. 

To use eating breakfast as an example:

• Get out bowl and spoon
• Pick out cereal from the pantry
• Open cereal box
• Pour cereal into a bowl
• Pour milk into the bowl
• Eat breakfast

How To Use A Visual Schedule

To make sure your child is successfully following routines with a visual schedule you need to make sure the schedules are in areas that your child will see them.

Here are some tips to help you and your child use a visual schedule.

• Hang up the daily schedule in an easily accessible area for your child.  The refrigerator, bulletin board, front door are some examples.  Make sure it is at child’s eye level.

• Put schedules for specific tasks in the area that the task occurs in. Tape up bathroom related activities on the bathroom mirror.  Attach getting ready to leave the house routine to the back door and so on.

• Make schedules portable.  Clipboards are a great way to bring a visual schedule along as you move throughout your day.  If you’re on the go you can use a smaller piece of paper that can easily slip into a pocket or purse.

• Visual schedules can be interchangeable.  Tack a piece of velcro on a dry erase board along with frequently used cut out pictures.  If a routine needs to be changed you can swap out words and pictures as needed.  

Successfully following routines using a visual schedule is a great tool to have and will help the day go much smoother for you and your child.

Elizabeth Purpero

Elizabeth Purpero is a licensed school counselor and licensed professional counselor-in-training.  She has her master’s in counseling psychology.  Elizabeth has worked as an autism therapist with children and teens.  During her career, she has worked in intensive at-home therapy programs utilizing ABA and play therapy along with OT and speech therapy techniques.  She has also worked as a mental health therapist helping clients address their mental health issues as it relates to autism.  Elizabeth’s background working with the autism community has greatly helped her work with students in schools too.  She has helped teachers implement effective strategies, create goals for IEP’s and make classrooms more sensory-friendly.  Mark Twain once said, “Write what you know about,” and Elizabeth enjoys writing about autism-related topics and providing additional resources to help those impacted by autism.

If you have a child with autism, then you’ve probably heard already that visual supports can help you solve problems with transitions and other activities or tasks that are difficult for your child. The truth is, many families are so overwhelmed by the litany of resources out there, they might throw their hands up and say “this is too much! I’ll just keep doing it the way I’ve been doing it,” and not try something new.

When you’re in the thick of every day life, you might be reluctant to introduce new strategies or plans, because they take time and energy. You can’t go through your day on autopilot – which is sometimes what we all need to be able to do to make it from morning wake-up to bedtime – while you’re establishing a new routine or system. 

That’s why it can be helpful to break down visual supports into different categories and types. I recommend tackling one thing new at a time. For example, if a member of your family has recently started at a new school or a new job, it might not be the best time to try to introduce brand new visual schedules into the mix.

On the other hand, visual supports can help provide structure during times of change or uncertainty in family life. That’s why it is good to familiarize yourself with the different types of visual supports and how they can be useful, so that you’ll be better able to use them in a pinch when things get chaotic.

In this article, we’ll look at one specific type of visual support: the first-then schedule.

What is it?

A first-then schedule is exactly what it sounds like: a visual with an image of the task, activity, or item your child needs to complete or obtain before accessing a preferred item, toy, or activity – which is the second image on the first-then schedule. Often, first-then schedules are placed on a laminated sheet of paper with two squares of velcro adjacent to each other. Then, the first-then pictures can be swapped and exchanged depending on what’s happening at that moment. First-then schedules can also be structured with the “first” picture at the top, and the “then” picture below it.

First-then schedules often use simple, clip-art or Boardmaker style pictures as the images, but they can also be filled with actual photos or even words in text for children who can read – or are learning to read, with the word typed below the image.

First then schedules are sometimes labeled with the words “first” and “then” above their respective spots on the paper, but this isn’t absolutely necessary. The words are meant to be a cue for the adult who is facilitating use of the schedule to remember to use the “first…then…” language consistently.

How does it work?

A first-then schedule works based on something called the Premack principle. The Premack principle simply means that low-probability behaviors can be encouraged and increased by following them directly with high-probability behaviors. For the purposes of a first-then schedule, think of low-probability behaviors as anything your child doesn’t want to do or that is hard for them, and high-probability behaviors as anything they like to do a lot.

For example, picking up toys (low-probability behavior) could be encouraged by following it directly with reading a favorite book or doing a favorite short, low-mess and low-clutter activity like blowing bubbles. Taking a taste of an unfamiliar food that is a strange texture (an “adventure bite”) could be encouraged by following it directly with a bite of a familiar favorite food.

Over time, using the first-then process can actually increase the chances that your child will start to do those non-preferred tasks more independently and more frequently, or with less reminders and help. They may accept prompting to complete transitions between activities more easily. This is a simple way that the concept of reinforcement helps parents guide their children to new levels of independence and fluency with skills that were once new and difficult territory.

How do I do it?

For parents new to the first-then schedule, I recommend a strategy that may seem non-intuitive at first: use a neutral or even somewhat preferred activity that your child already knows how to do as the “first” item, followed by a highly preferred “then” item. Over time, you will be able to introduce difficult and unknown or even disliked activities as the “first” item, but you and your child need to learn the first-then process itself to begin with. Given that the first-then schedule is in and of itself a new and unfamiliar, and sometimes difficult, process, you need to focus on that as your “one new thing” in the beginning of incorporating first-then into your family’s lifestyle.

For example, if your child is good at taking their shoes out of the closet when it’s time to put them on and go somewhere, and they REALLY love bubbles, you could start your first-then schedule with “first, get shoes; then, bubbles!”.

Create your schedule ahead of time. It doesn’t have to be fancy! Some families also use a personal-size whiteboard and dry erase pen that they have hanging on a hook or in an easily accessible cabinet. This way you can adjust your first-then items on the fly.

However, especially at first, it can be helpful to have pictures printed ahead of time, for maximum clarity for your child.

You can also use your phone or a tablet if this is preferred for your family’s lifestyle. Simply use a picture-stitching app or the notes application on your phone to create the first-then schedule with two pictures, in advance.

When you introduce the schedule for the first time, get down on your child’s level so you can show them the first-then schedule at their eye level. It’s also helpful if you have the actual item handy and in their line of sight. For example, if you are using bubbles as the “then” activity, have the container of bubbles out in addition to the first-then schedule, and show it to your child.

Finally, walk through the first-then experience in real time. Say “first, get shoes. Then, bubbles!” while pointing at the pictures or words. Help your child complete the “first” task as needed. Then, do the “then” task with them. And you’re done!

What’s next?

Once your child gets the hang of the first-then schedule, they will start to give you cues, such as pointing to the pictures themselves, or demonstrating excitement when it’s time for the “then” activity. As your child begins to demonstrate these cues, you can look for additional opportunities to use the first-then schedule, and build on the activities you already incorporated with harder, more difficult, and more lengthy “first” activities.

However, make sure you continue to monitor your child’s engagement with the “then” activities, too. Chances are, if their excitement and enjoyment of the “then” activity starts to fade, a disengagement with regards to the “first” activities might be next. To help with this, you can incorporate multiple “then” activities and consistently change them up based on your child’s current favorite things. 

Now, you’re ready to try first-then schedules with your family!

Courtney Gutierrez, M.Ed., BCBA, LBA

Courtney Gutierrez, M.Ed., BCBA, LBA Courtney is a behavior analyst, educator, and writer in the Pacific Northwest. She has over fifteen years of experience in the field of autism services, and over ten years of master’s level experience in classroom teaching and ABA therapy. Her areas of expertise include infant and toddler development, parent coaching, ABA clinical leadership and training, P-12 special education, and case consultation for children and young adults with autism and other special needs. Courtney lives in Seattle with her husband and two children.

Are you feeling stuck helping your child recognize emotions in themselves and others?  You are not alone if you are!

Kids with ASD often tend to struggle with identifying and labeling emotions.  They lack understanding when it comes to knowing how they feel and how others feel.  Kids also have difficulty interpreting non-verbal cues with feelings and emotions.

Today I’m going to share with you an easy emotion recognition activity.  This activity is simple for you to teach your child and afterwards your kiddo will be able to recognize emotions and the visual cues that go with each feeling.

Emotion Recognition

Kids with autism respond very well with visuals.  For this activity you will be creating emotion visual flash cards.  These flash cards will help your child look at different facial expressions and associate the feelings with the faces to be able to understand emotion recognition.

Supplies Needed:

• Magazines
• Scissors
• Tape or glue
• 4×6 index cards
• Small mirror

Create Emotion Recognition Flashcards

• Go through different magazines and cut out pictures of people with different feelings.  Look for simple emotions when first starting out like happy, sad, mad, tired.
• Tape the pictures onto 4×6 cards.
• Next to the picture write out the emotion that is being expressed in the picture.

Teaching Emotion Recognition

There are different phases to this activity that build off of one another.  As your child becomes proficient with each step you can move on to the next phase.

Phase One:  Learn Emotion Labels

• With your child go through each picture and label the emotions.  
• Hold up a card and label the card for your child like “this card is happy.” 
• As your child learns the cards remove your verbal cue and have them label the emotion for the card.

Phase Two: Emotion Recognition Visual Cues

After your child is able to label emotions it’s time to learn the visual cues associated with each emotion.

• Select a card.  For example: “happy.”
• With simple verbal cues describe what you see in the picture. For example:  “The person is smiling.  He is happy.” “This person has tears.  She is sad.”
• Review facial expressions with the emotion labels.
• As your child learns facial expressions have your child describe what they see in each picture.

Phase Three:  Emotion Recognition In Self

Now it’s time for your child to  learn how to recognize feelings and facial expressions in themselves. 

• Have a child look at a flash card and label emotion.
• Hold up a mirror for your child to look into.
• Ask your child “how does your face look when you feel mad.”
• Have your child make the face.  You might need to demonstrate for them.
• As your child learns the different expressions go through the flashcards and have them make a corresponding expression.  For example: hold up the happy card and say “make a happy face”

Phase Four: Emotion Recognition Out In The World

This phase helps put it all together to see how people feel in different scenarios.

• One the back of each card make a list of situations that can make people feel a certain way.
• Ask your child to think of things for themselves and for others.  For example: “What makes you happy?  “What makes someone else happy?”
• Go through each flashcard and have your child say label the emotion and the reason behind it. For example:  “This person feels happy because he is playing.  I can feel happy when I am having fun.”

Adding to Emotion Recognition Activity

• As your child gets proficient at simple emotions you can add more complex feelings like excited, frustrated or bored.
• Role-play different emotions to help foster further understanding.
• If your child seems unsure or confused about feelings or what to say model the appropriate response until they learn.
• Stay away from words like always or never when labeling emotions.  For example don’t say “people always cry when they are sad.” Try to keep it general like “people might cry when they are sad.”
• Every child learns at their own pace.
• You can pick and choose how many flashcards to do in a session depending on how your child is feeling.  Keep it fun.

I’ve used this easy emotion recognition activity with many of my clients and it is so neat to see them figure out how to read their facial expression and visual cues in others.  When kids start to understand their emotions it helps all involved learn to communicate and understand each other on a deeper level.

Elizabeth Purpero

Elizabeth Purpero is a licensed school counselor and licensed professional counselor-in-training.  She has her master’s in counseling psychology.  Elizabeth has worked as an autism therapist with children and teens.  During her career, she has worked in intensive at-home therapy programs utilizing ABA and play therapy along with OT and speech therapy techniques.  She has also worked as a mental health therapist helping clients address their mental health issues as it relates to autism.  Elizabeth’s background working with the autism community has greatly helped her work with students in schools too.  She has helped teachers implement effective strategies, create goals for IEP’s and make classrooms more sensory-friendly.  Mark Twain once said, “Write what you know about,” and Elizabeth enjoys writing about autism-related topics and providing additional resources to help those impacted by autism.